Spent 11 days in New York (including travel), so picking just one photo from that week was not an easy task. In the end I picked my favourite photo from my trip to New York; it's the view towards Empire State Building and downtown Manhattan from the Top of the Rock (at the top of the Rockefeller Centre).
[Camera used: Canon EOS 600D w. Sigma 10-20mm f/3.5 EX DC HSM lens]
I will write a post about my trip to New York when I get a chance (probably during my christmas holiday at this rate), and I'll post more photos as well.
First night in New York back in August :)
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF-M 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS STM lens]
A bit of planning over breakfast :) Weetos, and gingerbread latte (in one of my favourite mugs) - nom nom nom :)
Also, I love love love Evernote :) Great app which lets you synchronise notes between devices, making notebooks, and you can add photos and web clippings to your notes. One of the apps I use mostly on a daily basis.
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
Was doing some planning for my trip to New York. Bought a notebook from Fotografiska to use as a travel journal for my trip. There is also the Logitech Ultrathin Keyboard cover which works as a cover for the screen of the iPad but is also a bluetooth keyboard, and my favourite over ear headphones the Skullcandy Aviators which are super comfy and deliver great sound. Obviously the other items featured in the photo is my iPhone 5S, and also the Rough Guide to New York City.
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF-M 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS STM lens]
Obligatory plane wing shot from the flight home from Sweden. Can't beat that view :)
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
A photo from one of my favourite underground stations in Stockholm. I'll have to get a colour photo some time, because the walls are a nice bright blue.
[Camera used: Canon EOS 600D w. Sigma 10-20mm f/3.5 EX DC HSM lens]
Went to Sweden at the end of July and beginning of August (for almost 2 weeks) to see my family and have a bit of a holiday. It was roasting most of the time I was there, but one of the weekends there was torrential downpour. However, 2 hours later this was the only sign of any rain on the decking in my parents' back garden.
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF 40mm f/2.8 STM lens]
So I've realised I'm 17(!) weeks behind on posting photos for my Fifty-Two Weeks project. Worked some crazy hours this summer, and with going to Sweden to see my family at the end of July and going to New York at the end of August, the blog post ended up on the back burner a bit (or rather a lot).
To be honest, the weeks just seem to be flying by at the moment, and I can't believe it's getting to mid November already. In five weeks I'll be in Sweden for christmas which seems crazy.
My aim is to post a few photos a day to catch up, and we'll see how that goes.
I obviously needed the sleep this weekend, as I had 25hrs sleep in 40hrs (18 of them in the first 24hrs).. At the same time as it wasn't the best of weekends to sleep away, since it's the last weekend I've got before I go to New York on Friday, I'm glad I did catch up on the sleep. Have been feeling absolutely shattered this week, to the point of feeling like I was hung over, and was feeling like all I'd want to do on my holiday would be to sleep. Having a moment of geekyness testing out the Logitech keyboard for my iPad, and posting on my blog from my iPad (for the first time), all at the same time :) The keyboard I've had since not long after I got the iPad, I've just not used it. It doubles as a cover for the iPad and you stand the iPad up in it when using it, so it's almost like you've got a little laptop. It's really good, and I'll be taking my iPad and the keyboard on my holiday rather than my laptop. Working on this "travelling light" thing.
I should really get on with sorting some more stuff out that I need to do before Thursday night, and put away my iPhone/iPad/laptop and other distractions. Need to up the pace with regards to productiveness today having slept most of the weekend, especially since I'm back at work tonight.
It's scary how things can just gradually creep up on you when you keep things in. Then something happens, or you see or hear something, that makes you realise what's going on. That something that lifts the veil that has been keeping you in darkness.. I had one of my darker days in a long while yesterday. I've worked long hours, and probably too many hours than I should have, in the last couple of months. And I think I've used that as an excuse for being tired, struggling with insomnia (or just generally screwed up sleeping patterns), and just generally not feeling motivated to do anything. It wasn't until yesterday that I realised how far back I'd slid, and what was actually going on.
There's obviously been a lot written about depression in the last few days following the passing of Robin Williams who had struggled with addiction and depression for many years, and whose death was suspected suicide (not sure if there's been any formal confirmation that it was suicide, but that's beside the point). The numerous posts about depression on Twitter/Facebook, articles written about it on news sites, etc is I think what made me realise just what was/is going on in my case. What I've tried to dismiss as just being overworked.
Reading an article attempting to describe what depression does to you yesterday it made me realise how down-hill I had gone since I got back from my holiday visiting my family in Sweden. It made me realise I had been re-hashing the past in my head; overthinking it, overanalysing it, believing the lies that there must something wrong with me since the two (longterm I might add) relationships I've been in in my adult life both ended in pretty much a similar situation. At one point yesterday I also came to the realisation that I wasn't even excited about going to New York in a few weeks. The trip that's been a dream of mine for quite a while. The trip that I have been working my a*** off doing the night shift and extra hours an overtime in the last 4 months to be able to finance. And I couldn't work up any enthusiasm for it! At the time, whilst curled up in bed trying to stop my brain from racing and actually getting more than 30-45 minutes sleep at a time, it seemed perfectly logical. Today it scares me that it got so far that I wasn't even excited about 11 days in New York, a trip I've been planning (and have been exited about) for months!..
I suspect that my mum probably had an inkling that something was going on even when I was over to see them a couple of weeks ago. I don't know, mum's seem to have this knack for these things. In a way I hope she comes across this somehow and reads it, and in a way I don't.. I don't want her to worry about me as well, and I think she has enough on at the moment. And I know you're supposed to talk to someone if you're depressed. I just don't know if I could talk to my mum about it though.. I've gotten better at it over the years though, and I can talk about realisations I've had coming out of an episode of depression (but not necessarily have told her that it was depression that led me to that realisation). I'm in general a master at bottling things up and not talking to people about my emotions, until it gets to that point where it goes too far and I'll just end up crying at something that wouldn't normally effect me. It'll get to the point of something setting me off and I'll end up crying until I'm fighting for breath and it feels like I have no tears left.
What I need to learn is to spot the signs earlier on in this seemingly never-ending cycle of depression, and learn what is likely to be a trigger. Learn to recognise the lies that the depression is putting in my head, the lies that it makes me believe. I need to learn that they are just that - lies. Depression lies.
I also need to find an outlet for my emotions. If it's not by talking to someone then letting them out in writing, be it in a personal journal or on here. It feels like there would be more (to use my "favourite" buzz-word from work) accountability if I wrote on here than in a personal journal for the most of it. On here someone could actually read it, whereas if I were to write in my (by now dusty, given how long it was since I used it last) journal on my bedside table that wouldn't happen. Also, someone might read this and it might in some way help them. I find it so much easier to vent feelings/emotions in writing than I do talking about them. To be honest, I would not have been able to talk to someone about the above. Hence my random tweets letting my feelings out sometimes.
Came across this beautifully put poem yesterday which appeared on my Twitter timeline has having been retweeted by someone else. The post was made by Jamie Tworkowski, and the title is There is Still Some Time.
There is Still Some Time
If you feel too much, there's still a place for you here.
If you feel too much, don't go.
If this world is too painful, stop and rest.
It's okay to stop and rest.
If you need a break, it's okay to say you need a break.
This life - it's not a contest, not a race, not a performance, not a thing that you win.
It's okay to slow down.
You are here for more than grades, more than a job, more than a promotion, more than keeping up, more than getting by.
This life is not about status or opinion or appearance.
You don't have to fake it.
You do not have to fake it.
Other people feel this way too.
If your heart is broken, it's okay to say your heart is broken.
If you feel stuck, it's okay to say you feel stuck.
If you can't let go, it's okay to say you can't let go.
You are not alone in these places.
Other people feel how you feel.
You are more than just your pain. You are more than wounds, more than drugs, more than death and silence.
There is still some time to be surprised.
There is still some time to ask for help.
There is still some time to start again.
There is still some time for love to find you.
It's not too late.
You're not alone.
It's okay - whatever you need and however long it takes - it's okay.
It's okay.
If you feel too much, there's still a place for you here.
If you feel too much, don't go.
There is still some time.
Summer rain.. to be honest it's been really warm the last couple of weeks (in the high 20s this week), so can't really complain about the weather. It was still 24 degrees Celsius today whilst it was pouring it down with rain.
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF-M 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS STM lens]
As I had a rather large back log of weeks not posted, I have posted 6 weeks in quick succession (and will be posting this week's photo in a bit). I have tried to post them on a regular basis, but an already existing back log coupled with some crazy shifts and overtime at work has meant I haven't really had the chance to sit down at my computer for quite a while.Given that I am going over to Sweden for 12 days on Thursday, and then when I get back home I'll have three weeks ish until I go to New York, I figured it best to get rid of the back log in one go.
Bought some of the "summer seconds" films from the Impossible Project. Basically they're film which didn't pass the quality control. Got two bags of three packs of film, and this is the first one I've used of them. For this particular pack the alignment was off (hence the white border along the right hand side).
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
First idea for my travel journal for my trip to New York in August/September :DI am still to this day in slight disbelief that it's actually happening.. but at this point it's just under 6 weeks until I actually go! :D
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF 40mm f/2.8 STM lens]
The evening sky from my lounge :) This was at about 9:15pm.
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
There are some benefits with working night shift and being up at 5:15am :) You get to see nice morning skies like this one - this one was the view from my lounge window :)
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
Converse shoes from the shop window of one of the shoe shops in Nottingham.
[Camera used: Canon EOS M w. Canon EF 40mm f/2.8 STM lens]
Some of my first polaroids developed using the Instantlab from the Impossible Project.The Impossible Project manufacture film for Polaroid cameras, and as a kickstarter project they have also done the Instantlab which will allow you to develop polaroids (on actual film, not just printing) from your iPhone. I bought mine a few months back, and I love it :)
From the top, left to right, we have: My parents' house, London from the Shard, lavender from my parents' garden, Church Drive in Carrington, the Apple store in Covent Garden, one of my pairs of shoes, London from the Shard, and Brunkebergstunneln in Stockholm.
[Camera used: iPhone 5S]
Extreeeeme closeup :) Having some fun with the Olloclip 4-in-1 lens for my iPhone 5S. This is using the 10x macro lens to get some closeups of the detail on parts of the cord for my RHA MA750i headphones.
[Camera used: iPhone 5S w. Olloclip 4-in-1 10x macro lens]
I mentioned my most recent tattoo a while back, and ended up linking to an Instagram photo of it since it was the only one I could find at the time. This is a black and white photo of it, and my second newest tattoo (which is the text on my wrist). The heart shaped balloon is red, the rest of it is black. The actual picture (girl and heart shaped balloon) is by Banksy, a UK based graffiti artist (wikipedia page here).
[Camera used: Canon EOS 600D w. Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens]
